Uncontrolled Mind

Sitting in one corner of the classroom was a young teenage girl named Flor. This high school girl was a quiet and timid introvert. She was anti-social and disliked mingling with others in the school. She had very few friends as many would be pissed off by her temperamental behaviours. Sometimes she would just throw up her temper and scream or yell at anyone or with no body in the public; and when she had calm down she can be quite sociable at times.

Flor experienced some mood swings and found it difficult to cope her emotions. Her school counsellor understand her situation and suggested to her parents to seek medical attention. Her condition got worse but she didn’t want to care. Her schoolmates would sometimes poked fun with her, saying words like ‘weirdo’, ‘crazy’, ‘retard’, or even ‘psychopath’. She easily became annoyed and agitated by people who constantly disturbed and harassed her. Her mind started to imagine someone was about to attack her, she got aggressive and used a chair or anything she got hold off and throw it at anyone.  She was labelled as a mad person in his school.

She was diagnosed with ‘bi-polar anti-social personality disorder’ syndrome or kind of a bi-polar psychopath though these two syndromes don’t actually exist at the same time. This syndrome could be inherited genetically. She was put under observation and monitoring by her school. Flor need to take ‘tranquilizing’ medicine regularly to calm her down. Her school advisor wanted to transfer her out but no school was willing to take her in the city.  With some special provisions given to her, she was allowed to stay on to continue with her study at the same high school with some segregation from others.

Initially everything seemed so okay to her but due to some circumstances she became a little out of control. Sometimes she forgot to take her medicine she would just go crazy again. She behaved hysterically, she could scream, shouts, laugh, cry, and angry and even get aggressive, some of her classmates would just get hold of her and tied her down. It was very challenging for the high school to keep her. She was brought to the mental hospital and was hospitalized for couple of weeks before returning to study at her high school.

For next couple of weeks since her discharged from the hospital, her condition had improved a little. However, it didn’t last long again due to one incident. One day while she was returning home after classes, she was met with some hooligans in the street. These gangsters were the wayward guys with tattoo on their body. She tried to stay away from them but met with constant harassments by them. She shouted for help but nobody was there.  She couldn’t control herself and hold on to her temperament anymore, in a spur of moment, she opened up her bag and saw a ‘secret’ revolver gun. She took it out and pull the trigger – ‘bang’, one of the guys was shot on his head and was killed almost immediately. It was a bloody sight and everyone was shock and stunt.

Soon the police came and she was arrested. The police investigated on her case and found that she suffered from some mental illness. She was brought to the juvenile court for trial and was sentenced to jail for few years. She was locked in the prison and was given mental treatment to stabilize herself.  It was during her imprisonment that she had the time to reflect on herself. Sometimes she would cry and grief over those unhappy moments that she experienced in her life. A lady prison volunteer counsellor came to know about her case, visited her and wanted to help her. She was a holy person and she prayed for Flor recovery. Flor was a little calmer and she found faith with God. Under the God’s blessing her condition got better by the grace of God.

Until today, with Flor’s belief in God she found some tranquillity in her life and still continue to take her medicine daily. When her jail term was over, she stayed on as a volunteer in the prison to guide those prisoners having the same situation as her. She learnt how to live and cope with her ‘uncontrolled’ mind and found happiness helping others in need.